Quite a few years ago, I learned the difference between being sad when someone dies and the gut-wrenching, heart-hurting, curl up in a ball unable to move kind of grief.
When my best friend died, I’d never experienced such extreme despair. For a time, I wasn’t positive I could get back up again.
Then, I began moving my physical body, but on the inside, I felt dead as well. Nothing made sense to me. No purpose seemed to matter.
I’d never heard anyone talk about that kind of grief, the kind that keeps you from living with any kind of joy, peace, or purpose.
My experience with tough times consisted of being sad and then moving on, forgetting (or at least putting in the back of my mind) what had upset me.
In grief, we can’t always forget, and so we learn to move forward and find joy and live productively again.
Until I recognized God’s glorious grace in my life while grieving, I wasn’t sure I could make it. But He did extend His grace to me. For that, I am forever grateful.
Finding purpose, knowing joy again in the midst of our grief, comes when we willingly allow Christ to fill us. It can certainly take time to arrive at that point.
For a while, I closed myself off to it; I was just too angry, sad, and exhausted from worry and fear. To know God’s grace, we have to be open to His work in our lives even in our darkest times.
These are a few examples of God’s grace in my life:
1. Filling me with an incredible peace – this didn’t come easily. No, it’s not because Christ wasn’t there trying to get my attention so I could be filled with Divine love. Instead, my grief consumed me so much I wasn’t aware of it yet.
2. Providing proof of God’s existence in direct answers to my pleas.
3. Sending family and friends who provided love and support.
4. Giving me His Word to guide me and show me the way to true life.
5. Showing me where others need help so I can know perspective and purpose.
6. Driving me forward with hope. Hope, the most important of all in finding my way through grief – hope that God is real, that God’s promises are real, that life is not in vain, that there’s a reason, a purpose, and that my loved one is okay. Hope that I’ll be okay. Hope.
I wake up each morning thankful for God’s grace and for the ability to recognize and accept it. It took me a long time.
If you find yourself struggling, reach out – to God, to family, to friends, to strangers (email me if you don’t have anyone else to talk to! I’m not a therapist, but I’m a friend and can listen).
Despite what you may be feeling, never forget God will never ever leave you.
Remember this:
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Related Posts (more of my feelings/experiences on grief):
Prayer and Scriptures for When You Need Permission to Grieve
7 Scriptures to Help Survive Grief
7 More Scriptures to Help Survive Grief
5 Ways to Help Someone Who is Grieving
How I Became Thankful in Grief
Want to remember this? Post God’s Grace in Grief to your favorite Pinterest board!
Jenny says
I lost my grandmother two months ago. It was so sudden and took our family by surprise. She had an enlarged heart which caused her to have a hard time breathing. She truly was a loving person who had a big heart. Always praying and helping others. She had a calming presence about her that helped my own walk with God. Now that’s she’s gone, I’m finding myself search for God more. Anything to feel that calming presence. I know she is with God, but I keep asking myself why I didn’t listen to her. Why I didn’t have that conversation with her about when she passes like she was trying to. I wish I could hug her. I miss her terribly. She was my best friend.
Julie Pfeifer says
Jenny, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear grandmother. Keep following and trusting God; it sounds like you will. I will be praying for you and all who love your grandmother. ~Julie
Susan says
Please don’t be upset with me because I am grief stricken over the lose of my puppy. Someone took him!!! I have prayed so hard, posted hundreds of posters, stood on God’s words and promises. Yet nothing!! I don’t understand how this is glorifying God.
“Maxwell “ unconditionally loved me! Now that he is gone no one in this world loves me, no one. I understand that Maxwell is not a human being, but it feels like a part of me is gone. It is so hard to understand how God permitted this to happen and not give him back to me.
Julie Pfeifer says
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet puppy! Our pets are definitely family! I will be praying!
Annalize Dedekind says
My husband died from a heart attack 5 years ago – 4 months after my mother. It was a huge schock for me and our 2 sons. What amazed me, was that for a week after his death, I had this absolute desire to praise the Lord. In this devastating situation, the Lord sustained me by the praises out of my mouth and from His heart. Until today I know that joy of the Lord is my strenghth. Whenever I feel discouraged, sad, anxious – I praise His name and thank Him for His love. All my live to everyone in grief. I know the pain so well. But our Lord is faithful and will never leave or forsake you. He will send His angels to sustain you. I praise His holy Name.
Julie Pfeifer says
Amen! I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your faith here. Inspiring!
Tasha says
Thank you!! I’m practicing this myself. Praising Him whenever I feel sad, missing my son, anxious, scared, angry…I feel lost- can’t seem to get me footing down- wobbly- but definitely trying! I’ll continue to praise God. If I didn’t know God for myself I do not know where I’d be! My son is with Him. I’ll see them both one day. God promised and I’m holding Him to it!! ❤️
Lanette says
I lost my 20 year old son in a terrible car accident. A metal fence pole went through his neck. He was big and strong and handsome. All star ball player in school, avid outdoorsman. He was my pride and joy. He was my world. I saw him in the ER as he lay dying with the metal pole impaled through his neck. He bled to death. I am so lost and broken. I am a single mother with a 12 year old daughter. We have lots of love and support
But I am so broken. All I want is my baby back. I feel like my life is over. Only living for my little girl. I have always been a strong believer but find myself doubting God’s love. Sometimes even doubting his existence to let such a terrible thing happen to my good boy. Searching for strength and peace. Searching to regain my faith.
Julie Pfeifer says
Oh, Lanette. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. I am so sorry about your precious son! I do understand feeling lost and doubting God’s existence. We wonder how He could let something like this happen and can’t imagine moving forward. It will be so slow and so hard. Please keep clinging to His Word. To His promises. His love is real. His promises are real. We can’t understand how and why He does things, but eternal life is REAL. I am praying for you for strength and peace. You’ll find it won’t all of a sudden happen, but when glimmers peek through, grab hold of them. And don’t get discouraged when the next day or even the next minute you lose them again. Keep searching for God, keep looking, keep hoping for peace. With all the love He has! ~Julie
Alicia says
Dec 6 I’ll be the 2nd anniversary of my 28 yr old daughters death. She was killed instantly in a car crash in mass. I was living in nc at the time.I sat sat in shock over it and I kept asking God why he took my daughter away. I heard him say to me Well I gave up my son too. I know that’s what helped me thru the grief. I am so terribly sorry for your loss of your precious son.
Julie Pfeifer says
Alicia, I’m so sorry about your daughter. So terrible! Thank you for sharing your grief and how God has helped you! Praying for you! ~Julie
Alicia says
Thank you. It has been a very emotional time for me and my other 3 children.But God hasn’t forsaken me or forgotten me. One day I’ll see my girl again.
MarLo says
I am so sorry for your terrible loss. We lost our 30 y/o son last June in a car accident. We are devastated. I know your pain. It’s like my soul is slowly dieing. Losing a child is the most horrific thing that can happen to a human being. Hold on to your faith, it will help you through this tragedy. Believe with all your heart that we will be reunited again. Because without faith and hope how can we go on. God Bless 🙏
Julie Pfeifer says
Thank you for your faith-filled words. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear son. I will keep you in my prayers! ~Love, Julie
Alicia says
In a 2 1/2 yr span of time I lost my uncle,mother,only brother, aunt and then my 27 yr old daughter. Then in a freak accident at work I fell off a machine and lost part of the feeling in my leg so I lost my job. I am a believer and I know the only reason I’m still here is God still has work for me to do.He is the reason I had the strength to endure the last 4 yrs. It’s only been 19 months since my daughters car wreck that left her then 8 yr old song without a Mom. It hasn’t been easy I still cry almost daily.But God keeps me going
Julie Pfeifer says
Oh Alicia, I can not imagine all of that loss in such a short period of time. I am so sorry. Your faith inspires me. Keep looking to Him, and He will heal all. With love and prayers, Julie
Alicia says
My church family has been a huge support for my the only family I have left now is my older sister who lives 800 miles away. I still have 3 children that live with me and another grandson on the way. It’s a daily struggle but I’m too stubborn to give up yet. God’s got plans for me in his time. Not mine
Joyce says
My 27 year old son my only child died 10 months. He was a recovering addict but relasped and lost his life. I’ve never felt this kind of pain, its deep in my soul I’m a believer yet I haven’t felt any comfort from the Lord. My son was also a believer, actuality got baptized 3 years ago, but struggled so hard. I ask God everyday to let me know HE now has my son, if I know he’s with God I could accept this pain easier, but I hear & feel nothing, just sorrow & loneliness, why won’t God give a grieving mother a answer?
Julie Pfeifer says
I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I can’t even imagine losing my son. I do believe God gives/will give you the answers you’re praying for. When I look back at my own experiences, I can see now how during the most devastating times in my grief, I wasn’t truly open to hearing from Him yet. Oh, I thought I was and I asked for it, but I needed to work through the worst of the pain in order to recognize the light and hope in Him. It didn’t happen all at once either and make everything better. Instead, I eventually got little glimpses of God in the midst of all my grief. They were enough to keep me searching. It took a long time. I wasn’t truly ready for a very long time. But God is constant and steady and loving and will let you have all the time you need, and He’ll be there always. You’ll start to recognize His voice and His touch through your pain. It won’t make all the pain go away right at once, though. Each person is different, and I am not trying to say that our experiences are the same. However, 10 months is not very long at all. Allow yourself to feel your grief. And keep looking to God even when you don’t feel or hear Him yet. Remember, too, to not only pray but be still and listen. It’s so hard in the beginning. I will pray for you. God bless you!
Michelle says
I really enjoyed the article, I loss my mother two years ago and it seems just like it was yesterday, sometimes I think the only thing that keeps me going is my son. Hopefully it will get better.
Julie Pfeifer says
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. Two years really isn’t very long at all! It does get better, but it’s always difficult. You’ll have lots of ups and downs. Just remember to look to God. He really will provide peace and hope in His promise of eternal life. God bless you!
Lisa says
My daughter took her own life, my grief will never end
Julie Pfeifer says
I am so sorry. My mother did the same. I agree that grief never ends. Over time, I have learned to hold tight to my faith and move forward with some purpose. It is always up and down. I will pray for you. Love, Julie
Jessica says
God used my grief over my father dying from cancer as a way to bring me back to Him. And because He brought me back into the fold, my whole family has come as well.
Julie Pfeifer says
Absolutely! That’s how he works. I’m so sorry about your father. So thankful your faith is full!
Peaches WIth Love says
Totally Agree! God is pretty perfect the way he plans everything out. I love God!
Julie Pfeifer says
Definitely! Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
Mary Hill says
Beautifully written. God’s grace shines through at the most unexpected times.
Julie Pfeifer says
Thank you, Mary. Yes, it surely does!