Lonely in Grief
I knew that grieving would never be easy, but I wasn’t prepared for how lonely in grief I was and how hard it was to move past that feeling.
Have you lost someone close? Our relationship with our passed loved ones is unique. No one else knows that connection completely and so no one else grieves in the same way. This can make it seem like we’re totally alone. Have you felt that way?
Sometimes it seems everyone else has moved on, and we’re standing back still grieving, still crying, still searching for purpose, the only ones left who grieve. That’s how it feels, anyway and it’s so lonely.
Related Post: 7 Scriptures to Help Survive Grief
And of course, we miss our loved ones physical presence. Their absence swirls around us, grabbing a hold of us. It can seem that their absence chokes the very air out of us. When the person we lost was the one (main person) who saw us, knew us, and loved us completely, their absence can take an even harder toll.
We’re lonely.
Surrounded by people in a crowded room, we’re lonely.
In the middle of a family celebration, we’re lonely.
Grieving can be the most lonely thing of all.
If you’ve found yourself here, lonely in grief, I want to share a few things with you that I learned throughout my grief journey.
5 Things to Do When You’re Lonely in Grief
1. Read your Bible – you’ll always find comfort there. Learn about God’s promise of everlasting life and how He’ll never leave you alone.
Not sure where to start? Try these verses first:
Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Romans 10:13 For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
2. Journal your grief – Keeping everything inside only makes grief fester and boil. Journaling can help you get your thoughts, memories, fears our. It helped me more than anything. Of course, I do love to write. If you don’t want to write but are still interested in how you can journal, this post will help:
8 ideas for Grief Journaling When You Don’t Like to Write
3. Join a support group – whether in person or online, find a support group to listen and share your journey. Having others who have gone through similar grief helps you feel not so lonely.
Here are two resources to check out:
4. Show up to help – the first part of this is to stay active in your church. If you don’t have a church, please try to find one. A church family benefits us in so many ways. The second part of this one is to participate in any mission or service projects you can. Helping others will help you feel purpose which is something we often lose in grief.
5. Pray – every day take time to talk with God and then spend time in the quiet listening to Him, too. I made a mistake when I first started trying to talk to God, and I talked at Him frantically. I think that was okay, though, because He was patient, and I learned to slow down and to listen. That’s when I began to feel Him with me, and I promise you that once that happens you won’t feel lonely.
Dear Friend, the loneliness will come and go. I can’t promise you otherwise. We feel lonely for two reasons: our loved one is physically gone, and no one else knows how we feel.
We tell ourselves it’s time to move on. That we need to get over it. But it’s a process we’ll never quite over. Instead, we’ll move through it and with the Lord by our side teaching us His promises and filling us back up with passion and joy, we will be okay again. As you journey through grieve, give yourself grace. You have permission to grieve and don’t have to hurry through it.
Related Post: Prayer and Scriptures for When You Need Permission to Grieve
Write to me if you feel lonely in grief. I’m not a certified counselor, but I’m a friend who’s been there and can listen. I’m praying for you, Friend, with all God’s love. Amen.
Harrietta says
This so helpful. I appreciate it that you answer each comment. It is so comforting that you listen and care. My husband died almost 8 months ago. Some days it feels like forever others like yesterday. I do journal, mine is more or less talking to him and letting him know I’m trying so hard. Thank you some days I feel like I’ve misplaced or lost my faith trying to work thru that too. So many people praying and not one worked. I’m sorry
Julie Pfeifer says
I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. Please keep looking towards Jesus for your comfort. I know it can take a long time, but trust Him. I hope that you are reaching out to support groups in your church and/or community. Thinking of you with love! ~Julie
Rita Curtiss says
I have just lost my second child,Ryan,my Son,to a very massive drug overdose. The grief,can be all consuming,and it is exhausting,at times
Julie Pfeifer says
Oh Rita, I’m so, so sorry to hear of your loss. I will be praying for you and all who love Ryan.
Tiffany says
I lost my daughter destiny on August 23rd 2021 to a car wreck she had just turned 17 on August 1st. When the highway patrol came to my house and told me that my daughter was killed it was like the air in my lungs was sucked out and my legs felt like melting butter my whole life changed forever at that moment I just lost my daughter my best friend my whole world we did everything together. I’m so lost without her I don’t know how to live without her everything is so hard now I feel like I’m living someone else’s life like it’s not real. I’m so lost and lonely. I don’t know what to do. I love my daughter so very much and I miss her more than words could ever explain.
Julie Pfeifer says
Oh Tiffany, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious daughter. Please reach out in your community and/or church to find a local support group to help you work through your grief. It’s so hard! Please know I’m praying for you. Write to me any time at julie (at) lovingchristministries (dot) com.
LaLa says
I I lost my son to suicide on may 1st 2021
That is the worst day of my life to many questions and no answers he was only 19 years I feel marked for the rest of my life . The pain of birthing him went away when I saw his precious face but this pain is in my heart for the rest of my life it’s hole in my heart some days I feel like a dying human and still having to walk and work and function because life goes on . My husband found my son hangin from a tree my husband was crazy talking to him self for about four days having ther imagine for the rest of his life is something heavy
I had heart attack symptoms and was diagnosed with heart broken syndrome.
I never imagine this would happen that when I held baby in my arms for the first time it was only for nineteen years I have to taking day by day or hour by hour it change my life I’m a different person I feel like if I failed in life I have told my self and many poeple if I could turn of a switch si no body else would have to go through this pain I would done this since it happened . My heart went out to this mom that lost her son to suicide but know unfortunately I know her pain and it’s something no parent should go through i learned to think of the treasure my son left me all his good memories the laughs and all those times he made me proud. I think wat ever he was going through he didn’t want me to go through or know about. I wish I had him here and hug him and tell him I love him more time 😭 but only God knows
Julie Pfeifer says
I am so sorry to hear of this pain you are going through. Thank you for sharing! Please reach out to your church and support within your community. I will be praying! With love, ~Julie
Denise says
My husband died 7/27/2021. He was 16 years older than me and was diagnosed with CKD. I knew he wasn’t going to do dialysis but thought it would be months after dialysis was the only option before he died. He died one week later after being told dialysis was required – I wasn’t ready. We had 2 dogs – Koco and Michael, Koco died a year ago and Michael died 2 weeks before my husband. We were married 21 years and we got the dogs 4 years after we married. I am the only one left. My loneliness is tripled. I think part of it is that it seemed to happen so quickly
– that I was alone. I got another dog – a rescue… I named her Joy and I say to myself that I wake every morning with Joy. And she helps but there is such a void that she can’t fill. I think I want to get through this quickly because I can’t bear feeling this way for I don’t know how long… I also wonder if he knew I loved him because I had been angry with him because he didn’t stay with me when we had to euthanize both of our dogs and then I got angry with him about how he handled his diagnosis. Truth be told I had been angry all of 2020 because I retired 1/1 and we had planned fun things we were going to do and see and COVD prevented it. I feel bad because I wasted all that time being angry … and now I miss them all.. I want to talk to someone but I don’t want to make my friends and family sad and I don’t want them to know how bad I have been… I am sure that you and everyone else would talk about forgiving myself but right now I am having a hard time doing it. Some days I seem to and other days not so much… I sorry for the rambling but this is the first time I have put these thoughts our probably because you are a stranger and I have spent all day attempting to find someone to talk to. I do talk with God and it helps I probably would have taken my life if I didn’t..
Julie Pfeifer says
Denise, I’m sure this was so hard for you to share. It sounds like you have gone through so many hard times. Thank you for taking the time to write. I will be praying for you! Love, ~Julie
CJ says
I lost my 31-year-old daughter eight months ago she just couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t do anything to help her her transition was so swift. She was my best friend my confidant and I know she loved me and sometimes I feel that she’s the only one that ever did. Then 90 days later I lost my only sibling, now I’m so alone yeah I still have faith in God and trust him at all times. But sometimes the loneliness is so unbearable at times yet I hold on please pray for me
Julie Pfeifer says
I am so sorry for the losses of your daughter and your sibling. I am praying for you! Love, Julie
Kelly Kendrick says
I don’t know how to move any more. It seems almost impossible to move the way I use to. It hurts to breathe. To hurts to be with family who just want to help. I just don’t know how to be. I just lost my fiance suddenly and I know God caught him when I couldn’t but it hurts.
Julie Pfeifer says
Kelly, I am so sorry for your loss. The grieve can overwhelm. I remembered physically hurting and being surprised because I never knew grief could physically hurt like that. It is going to take time (I wish there was one specific thing I could say to make it better right now). Allow yourself to grieve, to curl up in a ball, and to let family and friends help however they can. During that time, don’t stop looking to God for peace. For a long time, I talked AT God and eventually over time I learned to just ‘be’ and listen too. Again, it takes time. I didn’t set out to do that because I couldn’t force it. I just kept looking to Him. Read scripture – print out these that I carried with me – https://lovingchristministries.com/7-scriptures-help-survive-grief/ . And here’s a post that shows that even if you don’t know how to give your grief to God, it can still happen – https://lovingchristministries.com/giving-my-grief-to-god/. Give yourself time to be alone, other times force yourself to be surrounded by others who love you, go through the motions of life and keep growing your relationship with God (even if that relationship is sometimes being angry…He can take it!). Remember that you are loved and that love can bring purpose to you again. I am praying for you and will check in on you.
Lalremtluangi Hmar says
I lost my husband..he had a heart attack and he was gone..our famlly was beuatiful and happy with our two boys..age 3 and 8months old…im lost..im dnt knw how to he ..what to do..it hurts too much
Julie Pfeifer says
Kelly, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. Please reach out to your church or a church in your area and also look for support from family, friends, or groups. And remember to turn to the Lord. I know it can be so hard when we don’t understand, but the Lord is patient with us and will help us through. Oh, it’s so hard. I will be praying for you and your sweet boys.
Angela says
These are excellent actions to take to help get through grief. Loneliness too. When you want others to reach out, try reaching out. Often your need will be filled as you fill someone else’s need.
Wonderful encouragement!
Summer says
Simply helpful and profound. Sharing this with some friends who need it.
Julie Pfeifer says
Thank you, Summer!
Christin says
Such powerful truths in this post, Julie! These are great ways to help sooth our wounds of grief. Griefshare is another program that has greatly helped my family when my dad passed away. Thanks so much for linking with #BVN!
KellyR Baker says
Great practical tips, Julie! Thanks for linking it at #BVN!
Horace Williams Jr says
Excellent advice Julie for those who are hurting, Julie. Thankful we can rest in the arms of our Savior. A pleasure to “meet” you today. Have a wonderful week and may God bless you in all your endeavors
Julie Pfeifer says
Thank you, Horace!